THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
