Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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