I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
