Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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