There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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