I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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