my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
