You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
