Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize