Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
