Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
