I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
