I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
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