Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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