My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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