my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
