Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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