dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
