Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i just had sex bonerless
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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