Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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