Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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