Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Acid is not a monday night drug
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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