We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Randomize
