I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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