So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
