We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
