Grow some girl-balls and come out already
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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