you win again, gameday.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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