dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize