i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
