Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
