When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
