Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Randomize
