The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
