Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize