Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
