Duck Duck Cougar?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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