She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize