I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
