The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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