Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
