Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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