I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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