About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
