What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
