So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
