If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
