Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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