So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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