I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The power of my boobs compel you
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
