you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
