cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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