Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize