i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
