I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
