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i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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