he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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