Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
