ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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