She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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