she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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