i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
