I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
