When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
