I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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