I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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