he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
