never play flip cup with pint glasses
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
