why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
