omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
