Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
