Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
