i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
