Your face is a jimmy john
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
