i don't like sucking hair
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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