my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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