he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize