i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize