I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
