but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
