I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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