I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
