I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
