bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
