she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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