i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
