so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
