her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
