My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
