what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
