At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
