Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
