Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
