Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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