How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize