I have demons in me.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
