dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
