He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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