Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
