either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize