you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
