every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just gargled with NyQuil
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
