I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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