i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
