put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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