Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
