so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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