So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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