Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
