She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
