How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
