Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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