I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
