I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
