I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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