I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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