Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
