Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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