YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize