I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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