Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
